Do you have a difficult mother-in-law who is always hard to please? Do you have a strained relationship with your mother-in-law? Are you always at loggerheads with each other?
Difficult Mother In Law – Why is she like this?
Insecure mother in law
Well, there is a reason behind this, which many of us are unaware of. It is insecurity. A mother lovingly nurtures and develops her son from infancy to adulthood. She takes care of him when he is ill, teaches him to read and write, instills values in him, worries about him when he is late from school. She helps him participate in school competitions, cooks his favorite food, showers gifts on him, buys his favorite toys and books. And the list goes on.
In short, a mother is major a part of her son’s life, that is till he gets married. Now she has to share him with a new woman. This triggers anxiety, jealousy and insecurity in the mother, especially if she fails to accept the fact with an open heart. This insecurity makes the mother feel that her son may abandon her and not care for her when she is too old. So, to show her rights over her son, she resorts to nagging and finding faults with the daughter-in-law. A daughter-in-law on the other hand fails to realize this problem as she has just entered a new phase of life and is not aware of how to deal with it.
To handle this difficult situation, Being a daughter-in-law, realize that your mother-in-law is insecure. She will try to control her son till she realizes that you care for her and will not abandon her in the long run. You cannot possibly control your mother-in-law, but you can definitely change your reaction towards her behavior.
Imagine you are put up with a new room-mate in the first year of your college, in a college hostel. Initially, it takes time for you to build trust with the new room-mate.Your views are different, tastes are different, likes and dislikes are different too. But eventually, by the time you finish your college, you become best friends with your room-mate. Accept your mother-in-law’s choice of food, clothes, home articles, cooking etc. By accept, I mean accept with a smile, not by being submissive. Be confident, smile and tell her that her choice is good even if you think otherwise. When she is tired, give her a glass of juice or a cup of tea. Make her feel secure with you. Ask for her opinion in certain matters like cooking your husband’s favorite food. Tell her, “Your son always praises your style of cooking.” If she is not a great cook, you can praise some other trait of hers.
Slowly, but surely, she will start trusting you. Do not argue and fight over issues. If she starts the argument or instigates you to fight by blaming your relatives, just go to your room, close the door and stay there for some time. Remember, do not expect miraculous results. You have to keep practicing this patiently for at least 6 months to a year. 90 percent of Mother-in-law issues can get sorted out this way.
Keep practicing these tips with lots of patience and you will be able to bounce back to normalcy and out of mother-in-law blues.
When to stop being normal
However, do note that despite your efforts to make peace, if cruelty crosses all limits, then do not hesitate to take legal help or assistance from local social service groups and NGOs.